Don't worry. I made a manual.
Weird. There isn’t a lot out there on how to survive a global pandemic. Also… What the hell is going on?!
As for me and my brain.. I’m pretty sure I have hit every emotion one can possibly have. But in my personal “how to” fashion…. The SLOWEST WAY POSSIBLE. Remember, I walk - I don’t run!
At first (around mid March) I was all like, ok. I like to stay in. I’m an introvert at heart. I’ll do my part. Stay home. Netflix. Check.
End of March. Well, let’s see I just canceled any/all work and plans until further notice. Most of the world just lost their jobs. This is only temporary. Anyway, you’re doing ok Alysia. You are very fortunate right now. Just keep a schedule. Do your work when the kids go to bed. They are your life right now. We can adapt to change. We’ll get through this. Hand me that burrito please.
Early April. What do you mean it’s Spring Break for the kids?! They haven’t been in school for 4 weeks already. Let’s call it what it really is.. “We don’t know.. good luck” - Ok, calm down, Alysia. It’s no ones fault here, everyone is trying their best. Let’s make the best of th…. and I’m asleep.
Mid April. My heart hurts for so many in this world. My heart fears for so many in this world. I pray for my students who I can’t stop thinking about. I pray for everyone who is afraid. I’m afraid. I want to help, but I feel paralyzed. I feel like I can’t move. I feel stuck. Don’t be selfish. Be selfish. Don’t feel this way. Nevermind, feel everything. Feelings are hard. Don’t worry about how many lunches I’ve had. Worry about yourself!
End of April. Hmmm. I haven’t actually cried. Am I dead inside? I must be dead inside. I’ve wanted to cry, but instead I find myself staring A LOT. I’m sorry, we’re you talking to me?
Very End of April. Ummmm. So, I can no longer get my contacts in. My face is swollen like I’m in fight club. I can’t stop crying. Can you cry and make tacos? I can. I’m sorry, what’s that? School is canceled for the rest of the year. Yeah, sure - why not?! (Husband to kids… don’t look at her directly in the eyes).
May….
Well look at you. Two months later, and you’re starting to get your shit together! Who’s that with a little pep in her step? It looks like you’re gaining a little footing in this “new world”. You can breathe. Left foot.. Right foot… you got this big girl. Don’t forget your meds!
Now Lather. Rinse. And Repeat all of those feelings.
So, for my fellow Slow-Life Processors - you are doing so good!! Just take your time. We are all processing our lives differently, and we are all in different stages. Yes, we are in the same pandemic, but everyone is going through their OWN unique experience. For some of us there is sadness, for some there is hope. For others there is confusion mixed with fear. And some, joy of living a simpler life.
If you’re like me… you’re feeling all of those, and that can take awhile. And that is perfectly ok. Keep going. I’m sure as soon as we get the hang of this, life will change again anyway. God’s funny like that. :)
xo - alysia