Testing Vulnerability.

When I was in high school, I wanted to be a motivational speaker. I wanted to tour the world and remind you that “YOU CAN DO IT!”

Move over Tony Robbins, it’s MY turn to make the globe clap their hands and wear lanyards in a large room!

That was a little over 20 years ago - and right now, I’m sitting on the couch. It’s 2pm, and I’m under the blanket. On a weekday.

I think there’s a logical reason for this though… earlier this week, I went to a networking event and started blacking out when I introduced myself to a table of 10 people. 10 very friendly people. The woman next to me started rubbing my back and encouraging me. It was a whole thing.

SO SIGN UP TODAY, EVERYONE! You too can be slightly motivated by me while I encourage you to “do it tomorrow instead!!”

Omg, I wish that networking/blacking out thing was a made-up story, but It’s entirely true. While waiting my turn to give my oh-so memorized elevator speech to the group (that I’ve given 1,000 times before), my insides started shaking uncontrollably. I wanted to start taking deep breaths, but not even a paper bag would help me out this time. When I did talk, I came out loud and confident. Then my brain just froze. I couldn’t even remember what the question was. Within a short time, I’m completely rambling, my voice is audibly shaking and I just broke down and said it.

“I’m really sorry you guys, I’m just crawling out of my hole for the first time in a couple of years, and I’m extremely nervous for some reason.”

Yes, I used the pandemic as an excuse. But in truth, I’ve been this way for my entire adult life.

Now, I understand vulnerability is what all the cool kids are talking about today, but gross! It was awful! I was sweating, embarrassed, and I wanted to immediately go home and send Brene’ Brown a scathing email on how I feel about her life’s work. After that, Glennon Doyle was getting one too - so I could question her “we can do hard things" movement.

Hard things are Hard, Glennon! And vulnerability is even harder, Brene’!

But you guys…. after I calmed down - it worked.

I quickly told them what I do for a living, and joked that if I was on a yoga mat right now instead, with all eyes on me, I would’ve been absolutely fine. They were incredibly supportive, and still respected what I had to say.

So vulnerability for me? I signed up for something I knew has never gotten easier for me. Ever. I walked in with confidence. I had that Boss B mentality… and then I physically and mentally panicked, like I do every single time.

But this time.. I openly admitted it.

Game changer. Mic drop. and all that stuff.

The narrative I’ve always told myself sounds something like this.

This is not your thing. This makes you look weak, and nobody will take you seriously when you come across so nervous the minute someone asks you a question. Stay home.

But when I approached it with the truth… being, this is not easy for me, but here’s who I am and what I do… I felt heard, respected, and bonus - a little less crazy for being me!

Tony Robbins, you can still keep your job. It turns out God wanted me to move people from my cozy little yoga mat while barefoot instead.

It’s MY safe space.

xo, alysia - reporting to you live, FROM MY COUCH!